Chapter 5; 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women

This Chapter became surprisingly difficult to read. Like Jamie, I found myself intellectually debating with many of the assertions made. My first four journal pages are arguments against the claim women are still victims of the patriarchy system – for heaven’s sake this isn’t the Victorian Age. I agree with the sentiments of the artist that declined to participate. Moving on.

Things are what they are, until they are not. Everyone overextends at times – (to what degree decides whether or not one is chronically screwed up) and I wonder if I would know who I was if I did not – overextend on occasion. Sometimes others have to come first. This is my challenge to trust the Divine. Many of these twists of fate have turned out to feed my artist later on.

I am sensitive to the possible loss or rupture of connections with the people that love and support me most. It is a most genuine fear, but the answer that beats within my heart is made by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. This woman has charmed me from her “Theater of the Imagination”(on disc 8 –‘The Fishermen’s Wife- On fatherhood and positive patriarchy.’[sorry, couldn’t help that little note there,] [disc 11 has my favorite Sealskin/Soulskin,]) to Women Who Run With the Wolves, the comment on page 86;
“With las agonistas sometimes, in agony for my lost work. Keeping promises to my family of elders, children, and grandchildren is not a juggling act, but the priority.
However, Marianne Williamson, a Course in Miracles mentor, of which my whole being resonates, echoes a sentiment of mine also, “And no one will listen to us until we listen to ourselves. The Goddess awakens in our hearts before she awakens the world.”

All of that being said – I do have my own saboteur: Wanting to do too much too fast. I lack patience; I scatter my energy to several different ideas at once. For instance I want to garden, start riding the horses, build the labyrinth, work with transfers, learn SoulCollage®(this opened a world to me, that started me on this path and I must always honor it,) practice with the acrylics – yet there are accounting duties, Gram to take care of, horses to brush down, children showing up unexpectedly – where the hell do you put a boundary in there? But, I have lived too long in the “Me” era to not know when to say “No,” and practice it wholeheartedly --when I can.

My holistic day begins something like this, (maybe 75% of the time) with a short Reiki treatment to myself, just a short walk into the desert, this gets the blood flowing to the brain--which is slower to focus first thing these days,) coffee (albeit decaf), reflection time with the Course, yoga –I’m just learning, and then intention set for the day. I will have known what as gone before, I will have already mentally outlined my week, though I love lists and crossing things off. And I will know which days and hours I can pretty much dedicate to my creative work. I believe this is described as “focused consciousness” in the book. Pg 88

But, this is I at this stage in the game. Sometimes I feel I’ve been nothing else except self-focused (self-absorbed? even) since the boys were starting to leave and my Gram fell into Alzheimer’s. What and who was I? Where were my routines? What happened to the girl I was? What dreams to throw away and which to keep and what new ones to start? I couldn’t even formulate those questions, let alone answer them. The last few years have been nothing but a big, gut wrenching identity/mid-life crisis. I’ve found my center now. The walk was intense, but I’m not the only one that kind of likes it when one of the boys drive up from the UofA and I’m in my art room and holler, “I’m in the middle of a creative spurt, can’t be bothered, go get groceries.” They are writer, photographer and actor and understand –now – how much that time means to me. They smile, and when I show my latest, and they give the best critiques ever.

The biggest thing I can do for myself this week, besides staying true to my semi-routine, is to take myself seriously. That is where my self-focus will begin. Believing this. At my favorite little art store I picked up a magazine, “Art Calendar.” The article “Take Yourself Seriously,” gave me a tool to learn and apply and another, to practice Professional Courtesy to Myself. Makes the difference between a dabbling crafter and an intelligent, respectable artist with integrity.

With Beauty and Magic, pay attention -- Seek to understand rather than be understood.
I like this one and will keep it for awhile.