God? my journey

This was inspired by Bill's blog today, Thought Sketches.

 The existence of God: a question for the ages. What am I actually being asked? Am I asking myself the reason for the origin of all that is seen and unseen? The purpose of human existence? Is it about the God beyond the realm of all created things or the God within? Is the question about life after death?

 

Early man explained itself through the cycles of the sun, moon and earth, later gods were named for these phenomena; an explanation for the frightening unknown world they lived in. What makes us so sure we are not frightened now and making up answers?

 

The question of God has spawned offerings and celebrations, human sacrifices and saints, religious practices and atheistic dogma, wars and community, dinosaurs vs. Intelligent Design; the first cause as an intelligent being and therefore the source of purpose and design in the universe. Is it the God Spot; neural circuitry in our brain wired for a belief system or another form of evolution and the continuation of our species? Is it past life regression or genetic memory? Is all life suffering as the Buddha reveals or, as a Christians, one is born with original sin in which one must spend a lifetime suffering purposely to attain the golden life promised after death? Is it Pagan respect for all life forms with many god's and goddesses or Nietzsche? Is it What the Bleep?or The Passion of the Christ? Judaism or Jehovah Witness', Integral Spirituality or Science of the Mind? Green vMEME's or corn pollen blown to the east wind in the morning, smudging yourself with sage. Dropping to your knees five times a day to worship your God or wearing a red string on your left wrist to ward off the evil eye? Aristotle or C.S. Lewis? Attaching personal, humanistic anthromorphic qualities to a god or are we interfacing with bouncing sub-atomic particles? The Bible or the Popol Vuh? Iyanla Vanzant or Joyce Meyer? Alien abductions or The Force? Meditation or gardening? Did we actually choose the life we are born to? Does the mass murderer, pedophile, committer of human atrocities stand under the same umbrella of unconditional love espoused virtually by all religious or spiritual practices?

 

Many, many viewpoints and theories are propounded but theories are instruments, not answers to enigmas.

 

My Journey, skip ahead if it bores you. I started out a Catholic moved to atheism- my dad died unexpectedly, what can I say, I folded. So much for faith. A few years later I started coming around again. Studied Philosophy at college, hung having great, intense discussions. Love it! Then to agnostic, onward to Paganism and Wiccanism, studied with a Shaman in New Mexico for a summer, of the Black Smoky Mirror, forget its Nautl name; loved the ritual and the touch nature and it’s layers through space and time, Carlos Castenda, of course, discovered patriarchy and Goddess which led to the study of Summeria and more history of man; Robert Graves and "The Golden Bough, Elaine Pagels, Dead Sea Scrolls, and most of Joseph Campbell’s work.

 

Forward into Buddhism; loved don't believe anything until it is something you have shown to be true in your mind, the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path -- highly subjective though and in the end all religion and spirituality is what you want to think about it. Krishnamurti said "The human being is not a local entity," clever.

 

 Read "The Problem of the Soul," and decided that our only reason for existence was to propagate the species. Went atheist again and got really depressed for a year about the whole thing; life potentially being a pointless endeavor. Decided we are just a brain; and read everything on neuroscience. Read "Descartes Error," "The Mind & The Brain; Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force," and Frances Cricks' "The Astonishing Hypothesis," and ended with "The Blank Slate," and "The Alphabet versus the Goddess." My brain was officially full. Got sandbagged by the new pop culture of Kabbalism and made a left turn. Gently took myself back to the Tao of Pooh. I needed a rest.

 

Tried Course in Miracles and appreciated the non duality. "What the Bleep?" made sense but was full of holes,pun intended and so does Taoism; and back to agnostic I went; Watched "Contact" again and a lot of Bill Mahr to regain my sense of reality.

 

Discovered Spiral Dynamics and Integral Spirituality and was almost all the way down that path; common sense, states and stages, touching all of our potentials, wow, until the hierarchy of it all and the language used disturbed my calm. In any case that school of thought has been set aside for now. Spending more time just being in the present.

 

My belief in God varies between pragmatic, cynical, empirical, scientific, awe and laughter. Many years ago I had one of "those" mystical experiences rendered in perfect love. Eventually I managed to explain it away. Not all of it though.

 

So my conclusion is this: Wouldn't be wonderful to just accept life as a gift? That's it. There is no answer for me, just more questions every time I peel back another layer. Today is my gift. The point is picking something, anything and playing with it, having faith even it is only in this day. I know this: you are never hung out to dry, you are never left alone. I don't know how this is true but it is so. Whether anything exists after death is not the point anymore, at least to me. Letting down my fears and barriers long enough to let the Infinite through the cracks and hopefully the cracks get wider and my wisdom greater and my judgment less.

 

I know it makes me happy to educate myself on whatever level I happen to be. So, I think the more provocative question to ask should be: "Why should the existence of God be considered in the first place?" It’s what you want it to be in the end. 

Comparative theology is much better than apologetics; lots of room for philosophy, psychology, and history, not that apologetics doesn't have that, it just myopic to my mind.  And theology doesn't require divine revelation to believe in God, but perhaps a more anthropological view, the phenomena of religions, and mostly it is about subjective truth: faith – for me anyhow...again... in the end.

blessings